project surviving

is it a gasp or a breath?

TW: This poem consists of themes like suicide, self harm, etc. Please proceed at your own risk.

Photo by Stormseeker on Unsplash

Exhibit A: Hanging

It happens when they’re silent,

when their minds are at rest,

when my being was made a jest;

but oh, they’re so happy-

they have a million different problems

one of them, hi, that’s me.

I’m on a mission now,

need them to feel content-

so i rip myself out

with treacherous intent.

A long snake of jute

dangles between my fingers,

and i tell my hands to move-

move fast,

move before they come,

and try to make my spirit last.

At least my fingers were obedient

lightly i scoff-

as I step on the mattress,

careful not to cough.

“Shh…” says the rope,

“Its gonna be okay now”.

And I say-

“put an end to this madness”.

The rope snaps my neck,

and takes me home to darkness.

Exhibit B: Drowning

They’re silent again,

don’t worry, I won’t disturb;

My naked toes step into the bathtub-

yes, yes, the lights are out,

come on, they’re asleep,

why would I disturb them now?

Water isn’t a stranger,

my thoughts say,

as my numb hands fiddle with the tap;

water isn’t a stranger, no,

rather an indefinite map.

The cool marble does little,

to set my fire out,

my mind still burns,

holding in my feral shout.

I’ve known Poseidon for quite some time,

and this the water knows-

so it engulfs me into itself.

It envelops me and whispers soft-

“where to, child?”

And i just smile and close my eyes,

the pain I feel is mild.

Exhibit C: Living

You’re right, they’re silent again,

fear not, I won’t disturb,

outside I’m gazing at the suburb,

curled in my bed, moonlit night,

And this time i survive.

They haven’t changed, no they’ve not-

but so immensely have I,

I gave myself a gift now,

turned poison into sweet wine.

Water’s still my friend,

i meet her at the shore,

she tells me of her day,

and i tell her even more.

the wind also loves me now,

and this i won’t forget,

one day, she asked me “how?”

and i told her i wasn’t done yet.

-aniiverse

Author’s note: This poem dealt with a lot of heavy emotions, and it was so very emotional to scribe it. For a better understanding, this is what the poem meant-

It follows a character who has been constantly belittled/abused by those around it. the character wants to escape, and finds itself plagued with dark thoughts. Exhibit A, B and C describe the alternate endings to the character’s story, almost like parallel universes. “They” in the poem refers to the character’s abusers.

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Keep shining!

See you on the next one :)

-ani